curlupanddiebytch

2011-12-16T02:29:00.004+08:00

Why do I have this aching feeling in my heart and so angry at you when you're not even mine to begin with?
This is weird.

Baby, 5 years is a long time...
... but, I just can't... get you off my mind. And heart.

2011-11-11T00:27:00.001+08:00

"Talking to the moon, trying to get to you."

2011-09-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

2011-08-05T12:55:00.003+08:00

Ramadhan is back again and this year's felt different, but oh well, that's life right?

You win some, you lose some.

Soon enough, Raya songs will be airing on the radio. I still remember your 2 favourite Raya songs, Ku pohon restu and Dikir Temasek's song.

I hope you're doing ok wherever you are, love.

I miss you. Always will, always been.

Compose yourself, DRSA.

2011-07-18T15:44:00.002+08:00

2 years.

2 years ago I was living the life, I was happy, I had a love-hate relationship, I was in love, I had fun, I get in trouble, I rebel.

2 years later, I turn out to be a boring person, I'm out of love, I'm still crying over the same person to sleep, I have no goal on life......................

What have you done to me, cinta?

:'(

2011-07-10T20:47:00.002+08:00

"Once you had put the pieces back together,
even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall."

What if one day, the person I least expected is the one I'm falling for?

2011-06-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

When I come back here it means I miss you and I re-read my old posts to feel your presence even for a short while...

I miss you. Always have, always will.

2011-06-07T21:06:00.002+08:00

My heart is aching and I can't stop missing you.

2011-05-15T20:47:00.002+08:00

"And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind. For me it happens all the time."

Truth to be told, time doesn't exactly heal.

If it does, why do I still hope and wait for your text message every single day? I definitely can't continue living in delusional and keep comforting myself that you'll eventually text me.

I honestly need to stop living like this, but I have no idea how...

I miss you, every single goddamn day.

2011-04-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

2 minutes and 20th April will be over,

isn't this the cue for you to sms and wish me 'Happy Birthday' already?

Sigh.

Nonetheless,

I'm thankful for every wishes and gifts I received and the birthday song sang from everyone today.

It made me feel loved.

:')

2011-04-06T01:43:00.000+08:00

5 days left to school.

All I'm picturing in my mind is a hall full of students in uniform talking to one another and me, sitting in the middle of the room feeling alone.

I am over-thinking.

As always.

2011-04-01T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's April 1st today.

Which means.. 10 days to school and 19 days till I turn a year older.

Dear April, please be good.

I'm counting on you.

2011-03-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

I miss you and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Pretty said, ain't it?

Oh well..

2011-03-23T22:10:00.001+08:00

Honestly,
I wish all these is just a nightmare and when I wake up,
everything will fall back into the right place.

But I know...

This isn't just a bad dream.

2011-03-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

"That girl? She's broken."

2011-03-16T04:32:00.003+08:00

This week is going on pretty well.
Gotta love life right now, Alhamdulilah.

2011-03-15T01:22:00.001+08:00

GDI. What is wrong with you, Dayana Rahayu?
You're Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid.

I am.. Losing myself.

2011-03-15T00:55:00.005+08:00

I... haven't cried this bad for a very long time.

I just.. don't know why I'm turning weak all over again.

Was it because I've been fighting far too long and this time, I've had enough?
Sigh.

2011-03-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

2011-03-12T03:40:00.000+08:00

2011-03-12T01:20:00.001+08:00

Because sometimes I still wonder if you still prioritize me.

2011-03-06T02:01:00.002+08:00

2 years ago...

And this is us today,

Love you girls to bits and pieces.
Genting at the end of the year ok?
OK GO!

<3

2011-02-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

There’s a lot of things in the world that we I take for granted.

2011-02-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

If you actually knew the story of my life, you'd be sorry for me.

2011-02-17T01:52:00.002+08:00

You know the feeling of missing someone who used to be the person you talk to every single night about everything and despite talking to that particular person each night before you sleep and texting that person every hour of the day, you'll never run out of things to say and now, the both of you are as good as strangers and can never look at each other in the eye without looking away?

Yeah, sucks. A lot.

I miss you.

2011-02-15T02:48:00.000+08:00

I tend to push people away,

I'm sorry.

2011-02-15T01:44:00.001+08:00

2011-02-12T15:46:00.003+08:00

My heart broke into a million of tiny pieces when I saw something I wish I hadn't.

Why baby, why? )':

I honestly wish things would be the same one day.
One fine day....

2011-02-10T03:29:00.001+08:00

"So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night."

2011-02-09T02:19:00.003+08:00

I wish...

I was smarter,

I was beautiful,

I wasn't fat,

I was the girl other girls envies,

I was the girl people would give a second look to,

I wasn't just a girl- I'm that girl.

I wonder how it feels to be all of the above.

I can dream, can I?

2011-02-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

Let's play pretend.

It's what I'm definitely good at.

2011-02-03T00:09:00.001+08:00

Two things I hate about myself:

I get attached and jealous easily.

2011-01-27T01:12:00.003+08:00

They're gonna be busy and forget anyways.

What's the point of holding on if all will disappear one day?

You rarely notice, but I hang on your every word.

2011-01-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

2011-01-25T00:37:00.002+08:00

I know under any circumstances, I can't change one's perspective. But if whatever you're gonna say is not gonna do any good to me, I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself or talk about it behind my back because honestly, I am still trying to get over the fact that I didn't make it to Poly and trying not to 'hide in my cave' anymore.

If you already know I'm a repeat student, quit asking. No matter how many times you ask how many points I got this year, I'm not gonna tell. I did improve from last year's, but ya....

You know how it feels to get the 'ohmygod-you-took-O-levels-for-the-second-time-and-yet-you-didn't-do-well' face? No, you don't.

So, pleaseeeee.. I'm not emotionally strong enough to continue to be in this phase anymore. I'm really trying. Maybe not hard enough, but I'm definitely trying my best for a better tomorrow.

I don't wnna cry while walking home anymore, it's tiring.
And the fact that I'm going USS in a few hours... I don't wnna spoil the mood.

2011-01-17T18:31:00.004+08:00

WHATTHEFUCK SERIOUSLY.
YOU'RE ANGRY WITH HIM YET YOU VENT YOUR ANGER ON ME. I AM NOT A PUNCHING BAG OK?

WOW.
SO MUCH FOR A 'AWESOME OFF DAY' FOR ME HUH.

THIS IS ONE OF THE MANY REASONS WHY I PREFER STAYING OUT THAN COMING BACK HOME.
THANKS.

2011-01-17T03:34:00.002+08:00

OFF DAY.

AWESOME POSSUM. I CAN WAKE UP OWN TIME, OWN TARGET LATER.

Been wanting to do this since week 1 of work :/

2011-01-14T01:03:00.003+08:00

Can everyone stop making me cry already? :/

"Whatever the outcome is tomorrow, don't be discouraged. Don't shun away from all of us. We all love you. "

-

"Hey you! Don't despair... It's not the end. Maybe this is not the path for you. Don't give up!"

-

"Bersabar lahhh. Dah takdir pe. Jangan nak differentiate kau dengan orang lain uh."

-

"Kau gagal sekarang tak semestinya you'll fail throughout your whole life"

-

"We all l0ve you alright! No matter how your results are or how bloody loud you laugh"

-

"Hey dearest, you're an amazing, hardworking and super loud girl and for that, I love you (:"

-

"Just want you to know that we are all proud of you."

-

"All your friends will still be your friend and we willl not look down on you. We will support you always. <3"

-

"I used to know this awesome girl and she was almost as powerful as Aslan in Narnia. She used to be herself, but now that fucking whore is so embarrassed to face others, especially ME? But this awesome girl should know that no matter what, I'll always be by her side and that we should never be embarrassed of one another."

-

"Nothing to be sad about anymore. Life's full of failures. You can't run from that. You can either continue sulking over this and never try to move on or find something to substitute this failure."

-

"It's okay, you have my fullest support of the world and we'll still meet everyday right <3"

-

"I cant bear to see a friend be so emotional over the results . Just know that its not the end of the world , you are so young and theres so many other possibilties and opportunities to come . Know that I love you , and I want you to stay positive . <3"

No, seriously. Stop making me cry with your text messages :|

I'm not emotionally strong ok? I pretend to be.

I know I can't hide forever, sooner or later, now or never right?

Thank you everyone for being there, for knocking some senses in me, for not looking down on me, for still wanting to be my friend(LOL), for every single thing.
I know I was foolish and selfish for acting this way, but really... I'm not doing it on purpose.

I'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry for making you worried. I'm sorry I'm not what you thought I'd be. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for not being good enough.

Seriously, thank you everyone.
I wouldn't want to lose any one of you, really <3

I love you, every day.
*hugs tightly*

2011-01-10T23:00:00.005+08:00

Okay... Hi?

I don't know how to put what I'm feeling right now in words, but... It's messy?

Well, I guess it's obvious enough that I didn't make it to Poly because I kept quiet the whole day. I avoid calls and smses by switching off my phone, deactivated my FB, stopped tweeting since Sunday.

I've already planned what to do on this day since a month ago because to be honest, I know I won't do well enough to be eligible for Poly.

I am embarrassed. Embarrassed to face anyone right now. Yes, even you, my friend.
I don't know who to tell what I'm feeling right now- it's either I'm too embarrassed or I'll just end up in tears, not saying a word. Either way, I really don't know who to talk to because I'm scared of being judged- Yes, I'm that pathetic.

Anyways, I've decided. I'm gonna apply for Higher Nitec in Business Studies.
I know I've wasted the whole of 2010, but oh well.

From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank Stacy Chong for ALWAYS being there for me. I know how I'm always complaining to you about my life and all that and I guess you're getting bored with it, but I'm really thankful to have someone like you in my life because you were always there for me- even when I called you at 3am(I think) on that day. I love you deep deep, Ching Wen!

And Sheena Teo! :D

I know I didn't make the wrong decision to Whatsapp-ed you. Thank you okay? I love you!

Well... I really don't know how to face any one of you anymore without feeling embarrassed. Because seriously... I'm scared.
:/

Whatever it is, I hope all of you know I still love you guys the same. *hugs tightly*

<3

ps: Thank you for the well wishes though! (:
pps: I'm really sorry if I ignored your sms/ calls! :|

2011-01-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

I'M FEELING ALL GRUMPY NOW.
1st JANUARY 2011 AND I HAVE TO WORK.

Awesome way to kick start the new year.
/claps

2010-12-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

2011 is in 2 days- I don't know what to feel.

When the clock struck midnight on December 31st, I hope I'm finally over you.
:/

2010-12-28T02:27:00.000+08:00

Too busy.

I miss being bored.

2010-12-07T20:23:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's time for me to stop playing pretend.
Maybe it's time for me to be true to myself.

Maybe.. Just maybe.

2010-11-25T22:03:00.001+08:00

Everything have been really awesome so far (:

2010-10-01T14:58:00.002+08:00

Happy October First

2010-09-23T00:35:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!
(L)

2010-09-22T02:15:00.000+08:00

I don't look anything like her, eh?

LOL

2010-09-12T21:37:00.002+08:00

Breaks my heart that I can't go out and celebrate Raya till next weekend.

Prelim is starting tomorrow and then,
about one month later, first 'O' level paper.

All the best to me manz.

2010-09-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!
(L)

2010-09-07T22:50:00.001+08:00

Oh how I wish you were here ....

Enlighten me please, someone, anyone?

2010-09-02T00:18:00.001+08:00

http://hearmewhine.tumblr.com/post/1053512291

(copy & click the link please)
"The tighter you hold on to something,
especially something that needs change and growth,
the more greater chance you stand at loosing it."

2010-08-19T21:59:00.002+08:00

Yes, hi.
The much anticipated MTL 'O' level results was released yesterday and I didn't get what I expected. Now... I have the sudden urge to re-take.
Sigh, how? ):

Let's put that aside.
I have to worry about my 'O' level EL oral tomorrow.

This 67 days will pass in a blink of an eye.
No more time to waste.

2010-08-14T03:08:00.001+08:00

AKYS,
I MISS 3-8PM WITH YOU.

But I'm not chosen for night class this year anyways.
So, it doesn't even matter.
Heh! But I still miss you!

2010-08-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

(Y)

2010-08-10T02:58:00.000+08:00

Definitely better than yours.
(:

2010-08-06T23:40:00.003+08:00

Better than expected.

Enough said (:

2010-08-05T23:54:00.002+08:00

In times like this, this is when I start to miss you guys quite terribly.

One year ago, I bought Singapore flags and we were waving it during the celebration.

I wonder how this year is gonna be like...

2010-08-01T04:45:00.003+08:00

What's the point of sleeping
if there's nothing to wake up for?

Oh yeh, happy August First to whoever's reading this.

2010-07-31T01:50:00.003+08:00

CYBER WORLD IS GETTING BORING.

I WNNA ENJOY LIFE AND DROWN MY SORROWS AWAY.

MY LIFE CYCLE IS GETTING PRETTY BORING.

MY NIGHT LIFE HAVE DIED.

THERE'S NOTHING I LOOK FORWARD TO ANYMORE.
NO MORE FAVOURITE DRAMA SERIES TO WATCH, NO MORE ANTICIPATING FOR FRIDAY/SATURDAY SO THAT I CAN TALK ALL NIGHT WITH YOU, NO MORE BRINGING MY BLACKBERRY WHEREVER I GO- EVEN TO THE TOILET.

IT'S JUST ME, MYSELF AND I.

AND MY SMALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.

OH JOY.

2010-07-29T23:31:00.002+08:00

I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

There's no way I can contact you right now, unless you sms me first.
I don't know what's happening to you.
We need to meet and talk all about it.

Whatever it is, whatever happens, I will be here for you.
I'm sure the rest will do too :D

Hang on there, best friend!
Stay strong.

2010-07-24T01:44:00.000+08:00

Awesome Saturday night with the awesome :D

What more could I ask for?

2010-07-21T20:56:00.001+08:00

As I read my past conversation with Mr. Cinderella- which was way back from 2006 to early 2009, I start to reminisce how close and comfortable we used to be with each other, how he would accompany me through text messages and how he made me have butterflies just at the thought of him.

Now, we're as perfect as strangers- I don't know what happened that caused us to drift apart. I don't even see him around anymore or receive random smses from him like how we used to.

Pardon me for being emotional. I realize I'm starting to miss more and more people with each passing day.

Amazing how dates and places can have so much memory and how I'd start to recall what happened there and with who and so on. Funny how me, or human beings in general, will start to miss someone when they're gone.

Life's like a game, isn't it? When there's a start, there have to be an end.
Nothing lasts forever- forever's a lie.

Forever's over.

LOL. It've been awhile since I post a wordy entry.

2010-07-21T20:51:00.001+08:00

OH JOY, I'M TIRED.
I wish I could break free from this cycle right about now.

2010-07-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

7 months ago, I was an Ah Lian with red hair and shitty attitude.

Today, I'm a nerd and this will continue for another 3 more months.

Oh joy.

2010-07-13T21:10:00.001+08:00

"Just because I finally got over you,

doesn't mean there aren't days when it all comes rushing back."

2010-07-12T00:00:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY MAKCIK!

(L)

2010-07-01T02:30:00.001+08:00

It’s really awkward seeing someone after a long time that was consistently in your life in the past but is now a stranger.

Do you still remember?

2010-06-29T04:30:00.003+08:00

I've been asking myself the same thing everyday ever since our eyes met for the first time after a very long time,

"Are you going to message me again, tomorrow?"

How pathetic can I be..

2010-06-28T03:54:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY KAKAK YANA! :D

(L)

2010-06-26T03:13:00.005+08:00

If you're going to talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk.

2010-06-25T02:15:00.007+08:00

"I can't explain this feeling,

I think about it everyday and even though we've moved on,
it gets so hard to walk away."

2010-06-22T04:10:00.000+08:00

Can't wait to have my own.

2010-06-19T04:17:00.002+08:00

You give me butterflies in my sotmach when I catch you looking at me and smiling.
In short, you give me feelings that I adore.
(L)

2010-06-18T15:23:00.002+08:00

I SHOULD BE OVER YOU.

And again, that's how you read between the lines.

2010-06-17T04:48:00.000+08:00

Who wants to do something crazy and get high with me?
Heh!

2010-06-15T04:43:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO'S BACK?
:D

/curtseys

2010-06-10T13:43:00.001+08:00

I'm leaving.
Not in a jetplane or anything of such, but ya.

I'll be back soon :D

2010-06-09T23:11:00.003+08:00

I can't always be the one trying so hard, right?
Right.

2010-06-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SEVENTEENTH, AKYS! :D
LURB LURB EU.

I know I sound very boring on the phone to wish you Happy Birthday. LOL!
But ya, okay.
Sleepover when I'm back?

AND WHEN ARE WE GOING TO THE ZOO, MY DEAR?!
It've been months!

2010-06-06T01:46:00.001+08:00

HI DON'T JEALOUS OK?

LURB LURB EUXZXZ.

2010-06-05T18:47:00.000+08:00

I'll be bulletproof this time.

2010-06-05T03:05:00.002+08:00

Just when I pull myself up from the hard fall and thought that I'm happier and things are getting better, life knocks me down.
If this is what I get for ignoring and avoiding you, it's a very disappointing outcome. I'm tired of running in circles. I'm tired of being the person who cares and expects too much.

Thankfully I've got to know about it even when I'm not supposed to. I could at least prepare myself to face you.
What a disappointing mid-2010. Sigh.

Not looking forward to the first day of school, even though I really am.

2010-06-05T00:49:00.004+08:00

I'm gonna be strong and won't fall apart.

It's gonna take time, but I'll eventually be okay.

2010-05-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Memandangkan esok adalah peperiksaan Bahasa Ibunda peringkat 'O', saya akan bertutur dalam Bahasa Melayu.

Saya berasa amat ghairah untuk menduduki peperiksaan pada esok hari. Dengan itu, kepada mereka yang akan berada di medan perang bersama saya esok, semoga maju jaya. Saya, sebagai rakan seperjuangan, beharap agar kamu semua akan melakukan kertas peperiksaan esok dengan baik agar kamu akan meraih gred yang kamu inginkan pada bulan Ogos nanti.

Salam sayang,
Dayanananana!

2010-05-29T22:46:00.004+08:00

WATCH OR iPOD TOUCH OR BAG?!

2010-05-29T00:37:00.004+08:00

That was when I was fair-er and have awesome redburgundybrownblack, longer hair!
Seriously, I'll never have long hair even though I want to have it because I keep cutting it.
Or maybe my hair have died after the 1234567times I've rebond and 12345678910times I've coloured it.

2010-05-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

YOU'LL BE MISSED.
):

2010-05-22T23:08:00.001+08:00

Someone told me,
"Always remember that pain is always good,
because pain reminds you that you are still alive, still breathing.
No matter how much you detest your situation, it is better that you take every remaining opportunity that you have, to try and turn the table.
Make the things that you dislike turn into positive thing, rather than you brood over it all the time, and then you will find life more fulfilling."

Even if it means hurting yourself?
Hmm.

2010-05-22T22:37:00.001+08:00

I want to be happier, that's all.
It have been 7months.

2010-05-20T22:28:00.001+08:00

Out of the 1001 'I miss you's on your page, I know none of them is for me.

2010-05-18T21:18:00.001+08:00

2010-05-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
(L)

2010-05-13T22:55:00.001+08:00

CAN'T WAIT FOR THE LAST SONG THIS SATURDAY!
:D

2010-05-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

"People are starting to ask what’s wrong.
And I don’t even know because I’ve been hurt for so long and hid it all this time,
that I find it hard to explain what IS wrong."

2010-05-11T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm trying so hard to make a change.
I don't want my second attempt to be a failure again.

I'm tired of crying every time I think about what my future might bring.
What if it happens again? It kills me to disappoint my parents, especially if it's for the second time and for the same reason.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to go more than just trying.

Anyways, I'm really thankful for the friends I have. They've never fail to motivate and encourage me whenever I'm at the brink of giving up. Most importantly, they're never tired and sick of listening to my faint cries over and over again.

I wanna talk to Mama about this, but I am scared...

2010-05-11T21:24:00.001+08:00

It really starts to hurt when I pretend it doesnt.

2010-05-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

From today onwards, I am going to tell myself repeatedly that;
I AM AWESOME.

Kthanksbye.

2010-05-10T00:23:00.001+08:00

Raya 2009
Old picture, but I like.

2010-05-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

ALL I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW IS JUST TO FORGET ABOUT ALL THOSE SHITSXZXZ THAT IS BRINGING ME DOWN AND BE HAPPY FOR REAL.

2010-05-08T00:57:00.001+08:00

Both you and I are online, but we're not talking.
I'm waiting for you to break the silence.

8/